Acceptance
by xxBurningxx
Summary: He had loved her since the very beginning. Too bad she'll never be his. But that's okay; he was used to being lonely. [Drabble; one-sided Mizuki/Nanami.]


**Story Note: One-sided Mizuki/Nanami. Light spoilers. A little bit of angst. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kamisama Hajimemashita.**

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**Acceptance  
by. **_xxBurningxx_

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_"Are you trying to comfort me?" _

That was the moment something foreign settled in his chest. It latched hold of his heart and forever imprinted itself there, making a small nest that would be its home for eternity. Mizuki knew that it would never depart, no matter how much he willed it to leave. Sometimes it would stir and claw at him and sometimes it would sleep peacefully, but regardless of its mood, the pain was always there.

When he met Nanami, she saved his life. The monster known as Love planted a seed in his mind that perhaps he had finally found someone. He thought that maybe he wouldn't have to be so lonely anymore. Thus, Mizuki engaged himself to Nanami, the only thing running through his head being hopeful wishes that she would accept him. More than anything else, he just wanted to have a companion that he could call his.

But love is a treacherous thing, and it plays tricks on the soul whenever the chance arises. Mizuki knew this, yet he still managed to fall victim to its cold schemes.

And he can only smile sadly because he knows it's his fault.

Of course, Nanami rejected him. Why not? She had the perfect familiar; someone that he already admired greatly. When he realized who she was, he knew that the odds weren't in his favor. Then again, were they ever? Mizuki understood that Nanami would never choose him over Tomoe, but he'd never been one to turn-tail on a plan and so he tried anyway.

Love snickered at him when she pushed him away. It was a dull ache though, that's all. He couldn't help but look at the way her hair fell down her shoulders, how her eyes shined with determination. He could feel that beast worming deeper and deeper in his chest. He surged forward anyway.

Willfulness

_(and lying, don't forget lying)_

had always been his strong point.

Then she discovered the truth about Yonomori, and the pain increased because she'd poured salt on his open wounds. They would always stay open though. He knew that too.

She said words that were meant to help him. They did not, but the beast known as Love had already settled and he knew that he would never be free from its tight hold. Mizuki was resigned to his fate; at that point, he couldn't seem to find it in himself to really care.

That damned fox made his appearance then, and Mizuki knew that whatever chances he had were down the drain. The shining glimmer of happiness in Nanami's eyes when Tomoe showed his face was all the evidence he needed. And then there was fire; blue flames everywhere and he couldn't stop them. It didn't matter though because he ran outside and relief embraced him because the tree was still there. It was his top priority then.

_"No!"_ He could only watch in horror as that fox was preparing himself to destroy the only thing he had left in the world. Somewhere in his mind, he figured that if the tree were burned, he would simply fade away just as his master had. Drift off into nothingness until his soul was simply no more.

And then she saved him. She stopped Tomoe from burning the tree.

_"Mizuki, I'm sorry I can't stay with you, but I promise that if you ever feel lonely, I'll come watch the buds with you."_

Then the monster sat down in his chest, heavy and stubborn as an anvil. He pushed and prodded, but it would not leave. He didn't expect it to in the first place though. It would never dissipate.

And although it hurt, he was okay with it.

Because as time progressed, he became close to them. He no longer felt that deep empty void in his heart that he once did. It no longer kept him up at night and he knew he had found a place he could call home. Mikage Shrine was his home.

Mizuki knew he was lying to himself though. The empty void would never go away. It was a part of him. Every time he saw Nanami and Tomoe together, Love would painfully remind him that it was still there; still there nestled deeply beneath the surface of his thoughts. He was still lonely because he knew that she had been claimed by that fox.

It was his fault though. He shouldn't have bothered on that rainy day when she saved him, but it had been a breathless plea for help.

A failure.

Isn't it always a failure?

It hurt too. That aching pain in his chest would never leave and he was resigned to that fact. He was still loyal to Love though, because it had him on a tight leash. He would wear a mask of happiness each day so that she wouldn't know. Fake smiles graced him everyday and soon they too had become part of him. If she understood it would only sadden her, and because he loved her, he was fine. Mizuki truly did believe in the expression, "If you're happy then I am too."

Except he wasn't. He was never happy with his fate.

And sometimes he wondered how a demon who had killed thousands of innocent souls could end up with such a precious jewel like Nanami. It didn't seem very fair. In the end he decided that he just wasn't very lucky.

Fate and luck had conspired against him. That was a fact.

But he had learned to love from afar. Seeing her smile when he did small favors; it meant everything to him. The beast in his chest would grin in approval at those small actions, and it laughed wickedly each time too because it knew of his predicament. She would always be just a hand's-length out of reach. He smiled when she did, even if it meant holding the world on his shoulders.

It really was too bad that she'd never be his.

But that was okay.

He was used to being lonely.

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**A/N: Just finished reading Kamisama Hajimemashita, and I gotta admit. I'm pretty darn depressed about this whole Nanami/Yukihi/Tomoe thing. It's like he never even loved Yukiji in the first place. Huff. It's really messing with my feels. So I wrote some depressing stuff. Hope you enjoyed. Drop a review; it'll make me feel better.  
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**As always - thanks for reading!  
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